Pick Up the Pieces
by pandorad24
Summary: On the first of November, Remus Lupin wakes up alone after a full moon. How could he have lost everything in one night? Set during the first war.


**My take on the night Harry's parents died, from Lupin's point of view. I love Lupin, he's one of my favorite characters, as are all of the Marauders (with the exception of Peter, obviously). Nobody likes that little douche. :P**

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><p><em>~ Pick Up the Pieces ~<em>

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><p>To buy the truth and sell a lie,<p>

The last mistake before you die

So don't forget to breathe tonight

Tonight's the last, so say goodbye

A secret is out…

- 30 Seconds to Mars, _Modern Myth_

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><p>Remus Lupin gazed out the window of Sirius Black's house in London, watching the street intently for any sign of his best friend's arrival. His mind was on the verge of panic - Sirius <em>said<em> he would be there long before the moon rose. Anxious thoughts swarmed through his head, as he considered all the possibilities. What if the Death Eaters had intercepted him on the way home, and he was captured - or worse? He couldn't even bring himself to think of the alternative. Or what if Sirius had finally decided that his "furry little problem" had become too much of a burden to bear every full moon? Remus had been expecting this from the very beginning, but the thought still struck him to the core.

_Or_, offered his voice of reason, _perhaps he's just late_. Of course, he was probably jumping to conclusions again - after all, Sirius had always been careful when it came to dealings with Voldemort and his followers, he would never allow himself to be caught. And as for giving up on him... Remus trusted Sirius more than anyone, and Sirius knew that. He would never purposely abandon him in the time he was most vulnerable; he never had before.

Drawing a shuddering sigh, Remus decided he could not afford to wait for Sirius any longer. Twilight had emerged outside, casting eerie shadows over the quiet Muggle neighborhood, overcoming him with trepidation and dread. He didn't have much longer - the familiar ache in his body that had been growing steadily stronger since that morning was now almost unbearable, as his frame prepared to shift at any moment; to turn him into a monster.

He reluctantly left the window, and crossed the room to the stairs that led down to the basement. He descended them slowly, clinging to his last few moments of humanity while he still had the chance, knowing that was all he would be granted until the next morning.

The basement had been reserved specifically for his transformations. It was furnished much like the Shrieking Shack, with a sad little table that had been reduced to two legs, and a couch with shredded cushions bursting with stuffing, littering the floor with white mounds of fluff. There was also a storage closet, it's doors marred by deep gashes in the wood.

He approached this closet, opening the doors to reveal empty shelves. He drew his wand from his pocket and set it inside, and began to remove his clothing. When he was stripped down completely, he methodically folded his clothes and placed them on the shelves as well, closing the doors securely, making sure that they would not budge. Then, he walked over to the far wall and sat down, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning his head back to thud softly against the concrete. He closed his eyes, and settled into the agonizing wait.

He tried to distance himself from the soreness of his joints and the throbbing in his muscles, taking no notice that he had begun to tremble under the weight of the impending moon. His whole body quivered, yearning for the change; his mind seemed to be the only part of him that remembered the horror of transformation that overcame him each month.

He only had to bear the waiting game a few minutes. Just as moonlight poured through the slit window near the ceiling and spilled over the floor, Remus opened his eyes and glanced frantically at the door, willing for Sirius to appear there, or even James or Peter; but the stairs were empty.

Sirius hadn't come.

He only had time to feel a twinge of hurt for Sirius' absence, before his curse caught up with him, and an even worse pain flooded through him, inevitable and terrifying; it was impossible to get used to this.

It began suddenly, without warning. It started with his arms and legs - the bones broke into a dozen different pieces and rearranged themselves into the haunched limbs of a canine, while the muscles were ripped apart and reconstructed around them. His fingers shattered and retracted slightly, claws piercing through to replace fingernails. Then all the rest of his body, which was worse by far; his ribs and spine snapped to situate themselves into a torso that better fit the legs just as his face began to elongate. His organs stretched and shrunk according to the anatomy of his new body, causing his heart to shudder and his lungs to constrict, cutting him off mid-scream, and for a couple moments of pure terror, he couldn't breathe, couldn't see, was aware of nothing but the unimaginable pain literally tearing him apart from the inside. When oxygen returned to his brain, he was conscious of his human teeth being pushed out much like his nails had been, immediately replaced by sharp fangs. During this, his ears somehow became perched high atop his head, and a tail sprouted out from the base of his spine. After all of this, growing fur was just a mild discomfort.

As he lay on the floor in a trembling heap, whining softly as the last tremors of pain wracked through his recently formed frame, he could feel his consciousness slipping away. Before it all went black on his humanity to be replaced by the mindless fierceness of a wolf, he desperately clung to a distant memory, the only lifeline in his faltering mind. If he could just remember, maybe he could last through the night without Sirius...

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><p>"How're you holding up, Moony?" James asked softly, as he held up the trapdoor for his fellow Animagi to clamber through into the Shrieking Shack. It was their sixth year at Hogwarts, and by that time they were all familiar with the routine of the full moons.<p>

"I've been better," Remus admitted, trying for a weak smile, which appeared as more of a grimace. He slipped off his school robes and began unbuttoning his shirt with shaky hands. When he had finished, he set his things down in the cupboard on the wall and sat on the floor, not even bothering with the ragged couch.

Sirius sat beside his friend, who was hunched over his knees, staring blankly at the opposite wall. He placed a hand on Remus' back, rubbing soft circles into it comfortingly, taking note of the scars and lacerations that riddled the skin from recent transformations and those of years past.

"I brought you something," Sirius said brightly, aiming to cheer Remus up. He reached into his robes with his free hand and produced a large bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate, knowing it was a treat his friend could never resist. Remus' expression lit up considerably at the sight of his favorite desert, and he all but snatched it out of Sirius' hand.

"Thank you," he said gratefully, and Sirius was glad to see it bring a smile to his face. He unwrapped the chocolate and bit into it reverently.

"Anything for you, dearest Moony," Sirius replied dramatically, cracking a grin despite himself.

As the time drew closer to his transformation, Remus grew pale and weak; his friends knew from experience that he had only minutes left when his body began shivering. James had taken his place on the other side of him, and was gripping his trembling shoulder tightly, muttering words of comfort, while Sirius shared corny jokes in an attempt to distract him, knowing Remus was in a good deal of pain before the transformation had even started.

Only Peter was not by Remus' side, and as he cast another nervous glance between the boards on the window at the darkening sky, he mumbled something about checking the locks on the bedroom doors before scampering upstairs; it was no secret that he was frightened of Remus on the full moons, and he was scarcely around when he transformed.

Remus grit his teeth, hissing with pain, and began panting open-mouthed, his eyes clenched shut.

"Shhh, Moony, it's alright," James soothed.

"We're right here, mate," Sirius assured him. "We're not going anywhere, I promise."

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><p>The first thing Remus registered after his agonizing transformation back into a human the next morning was the fact that he was still quite alone. This came as an instant alarm to him. If Sirius had merely been late in returning home in time for moonrise, he certainly would have stayed the remainder of the night, and been there to help Remus after he changed back. He had always been so careful to make sure that Remus was never alone during the difficult transformation process, even after the sun had risen. So <em>where was he?<em> Had the Death Eaters gotten to him?

_Have to tell the Order_, Remus thought in a dazed panic. _Have to find him_. Sirius couldn't be dead. It was impossible. He couldn't be...

It took several attempts to finally pull himself to his feet, and he stumbled over to the closet, pulling on his clothes as quickly as he could. He knew that he was injured, and still bleeding profusely in several areas where he had bit and clawed himself last night, but he didn't care; he had to know if his best friend was okay.

As soon as he was clothed, he grabbed his wand from the shelf and tried to Apparate himself to Headquarters, but he was still very weak, and only managed to travel a couple feet, and had to grip onto the staircase railing to keep from falling over. Cursing, he shakily began to climb the stairs, deciding that it was not too long of a walk to Headquarters from Sirius' house. If he hurried, he could make the journey in an hour.

Forgetting his coat in all his haste, he made his way out into the early-November chill. Muggles heading off to work that morning stared at him as he stumbled through the street, but he took no notice of them.

Despite his earlier estimate, it took him nearly three hours to arrive at Headquarters in his state, and by the time he had reached the front steps, he collapsed completely. Someone must have seen him coming, because a moment later, Molly Weasley had opened the door with a gasp.

"Remus?" She said, bewildered. "What on earth are you doing here, you should be resting! Come in, dear, you look dreadful..."

Molly helped him inside and sat him down in front of the fire. Remus noticed that her eyes were tinged with red as she rummaged in a cabinet for something to treat his wounds. He could also hear other Order members in the next room, discussing something in low, solemn voices. What had happened?

"Molly," Remus said as she began applying some Dittany to a rather nasty gash on his arm, "have you seen Sirius? He wasn't home last night, and I didn't see him this morning..."

Molly didn't look up at him, but he could see that her mouth had formed a grim line; she was obviously upset about something.

Remus immediately assumed the worst. Sirius was dead. Something horrible had happened to him, and Molly didn't want to tell him about it. Dread and despair seeped through him like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.

"The Death Eaters?" He muttered in a strangled voice. "Was it them, Molly?"

She left him with a few moments of agonizing silence, and then replied, "He isn't dead, Remus. He... he betrayed us."

If it weren't for the waver in her voice, Remus would have laughed; he would have thought it a joke. Sirius Black, betray the Order, the people he loved and cared for? He would sooner believe that Lord Voldemort had taken up Broadway acting. And yet, the way Molly said it gave him a horrible feeling of uncertainty in the pit of his stomach.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked slowly. "Sirius would never... he would never..."

"Oh, Remus," Molly said miserably, "they're dead. Lily and... and James... He betrayed them to You-Know-Who!" And with that, she broke down in tears. "They're dead, Remus!" She sobbed. "He as good as killed them!"

And then the world was spinning, falling to pieces around him, because Lily and James _couldn't_ be dead, and Sirius... he couldn't have...

"No," he muttered softly. "James... and Lily..." He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that they were dead. James, one of his dearest friends, that had always been there for him, who he had known for eleven years, half of his lifetime; and Lily, whom he had shared so many rainy afternoons with and had grown quite close to ever since she and James had gotten engaged. To think that he had lost them... it was unbearable. It hit him like a ton of bricks, and the hollow feeling of grief he was left with was something he would trade the pain of transformation for in a heartbeat. "No..." He choked, and his voice trembled with despair.

And what about Sirius? If what Molly said was true, then... No, there had to be some misunderstanding. He trusted Sirius! He would trust that man with his life. He would _never_ betray Lily and James.

He stood suddenly, swaying slightly from the effort, and rushed toward the room where the Order was holding their meeting, bursting through the doors. "Is it true?" He demanded, when everyone turned to look at him, falling silent. "What Molly said about the Potters? And Sirius? _Is it true?"_

There were bleak expressions all around the table; Moody was the first to respond, his strange blue eye swiveling to focus on Remus. "Yes. It's true."

"No!" Remus shouted furiously, bringing his fist down to slam on the table. He had always been a very mild person, but now he felt all of his control slipping away. "Sirius would never betray them! _Never!"_

"Believe whatever fantasies you will, boy," Moody growled, "but one of these days you'll have to learn that you can't trust everyone."

"You don't know him like I do!" Remus objected fiercely. "None of you do! He would _die_ before he betrayed them, or any of us! You don't understand!"

"I understand that he also killed Peter Pettigrew," Moody grumbled calmly, "in front of a street-full of witnesses. He's a filthy traitor, Lupin, and the sooner you accept that, the easier it'll be."

Peter? Peter was dead, too? James, Lily, Peter... Had his entire life fallen apart overnight? But no, Peter couldn't be dead, because Sirius couldn't have killed him! He wasn't the same friend to him as James, or even Remus, but Sirius and Peter were still close. How could he have _murdered_ him?

"Face it, Lupin," Moody said, "Black was the Potter's Secret-Keeper. How else could Voldemort've found them? I know it's hard to believe - it's been hard for any of us to believe - but Black betrayed us all. He was the double-agent, probably been passing information to Voldemort for months now."

_Months_. Hadn't Remus talked with him just that week, laughed at his stories and jokes just as he had when they were at school? Was it even possible that he could have been working for Voldemort, after he had sworn his life to the Order, and to the protection of his friends?

"I still don't believe it," Remus said stonily. "The Sirius Black I know is not a traitor."

And he turned and left without another word, back through the front door and out into the cold. He summoned all the strength he had and Apparated to Godric's Hollow, to see for himself if what they said was true, if James and Lily really were... dead. He made his way down the street, each new step filling him with dread, until he eventually found himself standing in front of the Potter's familiar home.

The house was in ruins. The roof was caved in, and one of the walls looked as if it had been blasted apart, bricks and rubble strewn over the lawn. Taking in the sight of it was enough to make his knees buckle, and he fell to the street, devastation wreaking havoc on his spinning mind. He felt as if the ground was tumbling away from beneath him, and gravity was pulling him under, far, far away where the light couldn't reach.

James and Lily. Gone. His mind was in free-fall, and his last desperate grab for hope was the thought, _what about Harry?_ What had become of little Harry Potter, Lily and James' son? Surely the one-year-old had been killed in the terrible blast that had reduced the house to shambles. Still, he had to be sure; if Harry _was_ alive... His heart skipped a beat for this last hope, which he clung to like a drowning man would a raft at sea. Perhaps he did have someone left in all this mess...

He made a mad dash for the house, throwing open the front gate and stumbling over the rubble, searching frantically for any sign of the youngest Potter. He had begun digging through the crumbled bricks, when a voice stopped him.

"I'm afraid you just missed him," said Albus Dumbledore, emerging from behind Remus, apparently out of nowhere. The usual twinkle in his eyes seemed to have been extinguished, and he was watching Remus' progress sympathetically. "Hagrid has taken Harry to his aunt and uncle's on my request. The boy will be better off there, I think."

Remus turned to the Headmaster with an air of hopelessness. "What happened here, Dumbledore?" He implored, his voice breaking. "The Potters, Sirius, Peter... How can it all be true? How can _any_ of it be true? I can't... I don't understand..."

Dumbledore placed a hand on his shoulder consolingly. "It's difficult for any of us to accept, Remus, and I'm not sure anyone really understands what happened here last night... I assume you picked up from all the celebration taking place what little Harry Potter has done?"

"What?" Remus blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?" He hadn't noticed any celebration, but he was sure it would have been easy to miss in his panic that morning.

"The war is over, Remus," Dumbledore told him. "Voldemort has fallen, all because of Harry."

After everything he had heard that day, the news still came as something of a shock to him. Baby Harry, finishing off Voldemort? The idea was absurd. Was this some kind of joke?

As if sensing the doubt in Remus' thoughts, Dumbledore added, "I could hardly believe it myself, at first. But something about Harry finished him. Just the fact that the boy lives is a miracle."

It was so much to take in, so much grief ladening him down at one time; he thought that he could fall apart at any moment. Who _cared_ that Voldemort was gone, when so where James, Lily and Peter? And Sirius had been accused of murder and betrayal, and was probably being carted off to Azkaban as they spoke; just the thought of this made Remus feel sick. It _must_ be a mistake, Sirius was innocent - those crimes they had convicted him for were things Remus _knew_ he was incapable of.

"Dumbledore, please," Remus said, desperation choking on his words, "tell me it's not true. Sirius couldn't have betrayed them. He would sooner _die_ than join Voldemort. Tell me they made a mistake..."

"Dozens of witnesses saw what happened, Remus -"

_"I don't care what they saw!"_ He shouted suddenly, overwhelmed with rage. "I don't care if they saw him murder _hundreds_ of people! I know that he couldn't have done it. They made a _mistake_, all of you have!"

Somewhere during this outburst, tears had begun streaming down his cheeks, whether for anger or grief or perhaps the slightest flicker of doubt that had been growing inside him ever since he'd heard the fateful news from Molly Weasley, he didn't know. All he knew was that it wasn't fair, none of it was. How could he have lost everything in one night?

Dumbledore tried to comfort him, tried to make him see sense, but right now, sense wasn't what he needed; he'd spent his whole life being sensible. Now, he just wanted to run and hide, he couldn't bear to face the truth. The truth that maybe... maybe they were all right, and he was just clinging to fantasies.

Sirius had left him. He'd taken away everything he had, everyone he loved, and abandoned him when he needed him most. He _trusted_ Sirius, more even than he trusted himself. But Sirius betrayed them, and in doing so, betrayed Remus as well.

_"We're right here, mate. We're not going anywhere, I promise."_

He promised he would never leave him, that he would never desert his friends. And now he had left Remus in this mess, to pick up the pieces alone.

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><p><strong>I'm aware that this sucked completely. It was rushed, the transition between paragraphs was lacking, it didn't do any justice to the awesomeness that is Harry Potter, and was a bit OOC to boot... but I wasn't really trying that hard. Just so you know, I wrote most of this at three in the morning, so maybe that counts for something. I think the only part I actually liked was the Marauder-era flashback (maybe 'cause I love writing for teens WAY more than adults). And I also had fun writing in a sort-of British style. :)<strong>

**Oh, yeah, and this was my test-run Harry Potter oneshot. I want to write a post-Fred's death George-centric fic, but was afraid to do so without some experience writing for HP first. So, George, your turn next! :D**

**Anyway, if you didn't think that was total rubbish (hah, I love that word), please review! If only to improve my confidence in my late-night writing skills.**


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